Winter Humor: Minnesota vs. Miami (& Elsewhere)

(Just Past) Mid-Fall in Minnesota   

In the midst of a blast of arctic air this week — the windchill in Minneapolis this am is below zero(!) — Minnesotans can be forgiven for being a little shell-shocked . . . and in need of comic relief.

Note: my personal contributions are indicated with asterisks**.

60 above zero:
Floridians turn on the heat.
People in Minnesota plant gardens.

50 above zero:
Californians shiver uncontrollably.
People in Duluth sunbathe.

20 above zero:
Floridians use coats, thermal underwear, gloves, wool hats.
People in Minnesota throw on a flannel shirt.

15 above zero:
New York landlords finally turn up the heat.
People in Minnesota have the last cookout before it gets cold.
**Twin Cities window washers show up five minutes early, add antifreeze to cleaning solution (true — the home in question was mine).

Zero:
People in Miami all die.
Minnesotans close the windows.

25 below zero:
Hollywood disintegrates.
The Girl Scouts in Minnesota are selling cookies door to door.
**Gabriel Kaplan (my 15 year-old son) puts on long pants.

460 below zero:
ALL atomic motion stops (absolute zero on the Kelvin scale.)
People in Minnesota start saying . . . ”Cold ’nuff fer ya?”

500 below zero:
Hell freezes over.
Minnesota public schools will open 2 hours late.

Impervious People — and Animals

It’s not just people who are stoic about the weather here — so are the animals.

In that vein, there was a story locally, years ago, about someone who was upset because their next-door neighbor left their dog (a husky) outside in the winter without any shelter.

Eventually, the local municipality must have ordered the dog owner to put up a shelter in their backyard, which they did.

The husky slept on top of it.

P.S.: For any smug East Coasters reading this blog:  don’t be. The deep freeze is headed your way this weekend.

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